Not Joe

I went out with a guy, we will call him Not Joe. He was kinda cute, but not nearly as gorgeous as his picture would have led me to believe. I knew it going in. I took a screen shot of his picture, sent it to a friend, and said “if this guy is even half as cute as this picture, then I’ll be lucky.” We met for drinks. I learned that he prefers generic American beer, to something more crafty. I learned he did not have kids, and had been married twice. He was very mid-west normal. Maybe had an accent; seemed to be conservative. He was very generic. Nothing really grabbed me about him. He was nice enough, had nice manners, and could have a conversation. Meh. No real spark. He asked to see me again, and I found myself saying “Yes”.

Why?! Why would I say yes if the whole thing was meh? Because sometimes, the setting can shift your view. Because sometimes, the first date/meeting is just to make sure the guy isn’t a socially awkward creep. I said yes, but in the mean time I researched.

I used the phone a friend option for this guy, since I couldn’t find anything online. I found out plenty. I found out that this guy was probably a jerk, he was probably a liar, probably a man-whore, probably a cheater, and probably not worth my time.

I cancelled. I cancelled, and I used some super lame excuse. It’s hard once you say “yes”, to then say, “meh I changed my mind”. Especially since I couldn’t tell him what I knew or how I found out. My sources swore me to secrecy, because they didn’t want to get found out, or they were scared of retaliation, or something. So, when Not Joe texted me again, and again, and again, I thought, ok- give him a second date and confirm you’re not into it AND then tell him “not going to happen”. Essentially, he was getting a pity date.

I got a sitter. We texted back and forth trying to make plans, and finally decided on dinner and a movie. Which, at least I’d be able to see that movie I’ve been wanting to see and get out of the house for a bit – Silver linings and all that. And then, my kid got sick. I had to cancel. Again. For a real reason this time. This was the sign, from the universe, telling me that I need to move on, far from this guy.

Next time Not Joe texts me, I’ll let him know I’m just not that into him.


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