Picture Perfect

Online dating is weird. You see a cute picture, you read a bio, messaging happens, and then someone asks to exchange numbers. Its the logical next step.

Usually I’m a fairly good at judging people/guys based on their pictures and profiles. I’m great at subtext. The messaging with this guy, BroncoFan, was in no way indicative of the tool he turned out to be. BroncoFan (which I will call him because his real username was similar), had several pictures up, none of them were shirtless. Several of them had his daughter in them, and there were no pictures with obvious frat boy party overtones. We chatted innocently enough about running, and fitness, and kids in a vague whats your schedule like kinda way. He asked for my number, and at this point I said “sure!”

Then I get the first two texts “Hey it’s BroncoFan” (not really, he used his real name). Then he sent me a picture. A bathroom selfie. And I thought oh dear – and then, well maybe he just wanted to make sure I knew which BroncoFan or whatever. Maybe there is logic behind the picture? So, I respond “Hi BroncoFan!” He asks what I am up to, and I respond. This is at 3pm. He then says “Cool have any pictures?” And sends me another bathroom selfie, still with a shirt.

Now, this has happened to me once before, with a legit nice guy. The conversation then was:

“Do you have any more pictures”

“you mean, like super sexy pictures??”

“Well, I didn’t. But now you’ve piqued my interest…”

“lol. nope. sorry.”

The Nice Guy then explained that he was curious because I didn’t have a lot of pictures posted. I sent him a normal car selfie (that I hate), and he sent me one back, and it was cute. It could have gone really weird and creepy, and it didn’t. SIDE NOTE: I swoon for a guy with a large vocabulary.

Back to BroncoFan – I assumed (incorrectly) that this was going to be a similar situation. I didn’t even make a joke of it, just sent a couple random pictures that didn’t make it to the dating profile. BroncoFan’s response “wheres the bikini?? I wanna see that hit [sic] sexy body lol” To which, I respond “Yeah. Nope. Doesn’t exist.”

Then this happened:


WTF?! I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS! At no time did I ask for any pictures. Much less lame shirtless bathroom selfie picture. Really?! And then his explanation?! “Sorry?!” More like #sorrynotsorry. He knew exactly what he was doing. Gross!!

And can we take a minute to judge this guys jeans?! Wiskering on jeans is WAY out. What are these ed hardy or something? Is this guy taking his fashion cues from Jon, from Jon plus Kate used to have a million kids, and now hes a DJ?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe guys don’t send strangers pictures of themselves getting undressed unless there is a conversation about the girl wanting the picture. Its creepy, first of all. You just turned into a creepy guy. Second, now I think you think you are so hot that all girls must want to see that, AND I think you’re a tool. Third, I also now know that you are just looking to meet and hook-up, and homey don’t play.

homie dont play

Had ANY of this been part of his profile, I never would have talked to this guy…. NEXT!


2 thoughts on “Picture Perfect

  1. Nice – I don’t understand why men think they are doing us some big favour by sending us their half or fully nake pictures. Totally gross. Great post btw.

    Liked by 1 person

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