I’ve read all the reviews. Plenty of Fish and Tinder are just for hook-ups. Match is for serious people looking for serious relationships. Bumble for women who don’t want to be overwhelmed with conversations. And so forth… Hinge, Clover, Match, OKCupid, apparently there are a billion and one ways to meet new people via your smart phone.
When I first started this adventure, I downloaded all the apps. I didn’t have a clue. And I’m crazy like that, so all in! Then I immediately deleted them all. Fuck! What was I thinking?! Too much!
I downloaded Tinder when I was in Las Vegas. I swiped left all day just reading through who was in town. Seeing what was out there. It was at a time when my confidence was at an epic fail low, and truthfully seeing the men that were out there, that were inviting people to judge them, and maybe take a chance on a conversation or drinks, well, it both gave me hope, and helped me realize it could be worse. Much, much, MUCH worse.
I Tindered my way through Los Angeles while I was there for two weeks. I had a grand time seeing who was on there that I either knew, or knew via FB friends. I also realized everyone really is an actor and works for SAG-AFTRA. I learned that the men of LA are, in general, way too good looking for me. I learned that most of the people are just trying to be Instagram famous, and why don’t I follow them. It also gave me a bit of a self-esteem boost when the super hot guy matched with me. WHAT?! You thought I was cute? That’s sweet…. I’m glad I’m not actually trying to date in LA. I’d have to pay for headshots….
I wish now I had paid more attention to the stats. Like, when swiping through Tinder, how many matches did I get? Of those, how many guys actually messaged? What were the best messages? What tactics did guys use most often?
I can tell you, that there was little actual messaging happening via Tinder. I got my first “DTF?” message. I felt initiated into the new dating scene. I only went on two Tinder dates before deleting it again, for the millionth time. Don’t worry, I’ll probably be back to it next month.
I signed up for Plenty of Fish, and in about two weeks I had well over 100 messages. Unlike the swipe apps, anyone can message you. And they do. Jeez Louise. Sometimes, the same guy, over and over and over, “Hello?” “Hello?” “Hello?” BLOCK USER!!!!
There is a feature “meet me” that is PoF’s version of swiping. And unlike Tinder, it will tell you how many people are interested. Not that I think this number has any merit, but after two weeks, I had 492 guys that said “yes”. Now if I wanted to pay, I could see who those guys are. But I really don’t care enough to do that. I am just amazed at the number of guys/people who are on this app in general. That’s my point about the stats, not that I’m super special, but there are just that many guys on there. Amazing. The number of “mutual matches” that I have? 12. Maybe I shouldn’t date in the Midwest either….
My least favorite feature of all of these apps? The “Online Now!” Ugh. HATE HATE HATE! I don’t want to know when you are online. “Active in the past x hours” really is good enough. I don’t want others to know when I’m online, and then quickly leave to avoid a conversation. I know that none of us are looking for super serious right out the gate (except for those few crazy people that say that want to get married and are only interested in long term with people they just met, not that I’m judging. I’m totally judging). But Seriously! What a mind fuck.
I know that Bachelor #1 is probably talking to several girls, while I chat with several guys. It just feels a little bit creepy, to know that Bachelor #1 is on the app, scoping it out, or replying to messages to other people. It feels a tad like actually running into Bachelor #1 while he is out at a bar actively spitting game at a honey.
I once had a guy send me a picture of himself, with a cute message. I’m paraphrasing, but he wanted to say he was thinking of me while he was at work. It was totally cute. Until I responded. I thought I was funny. Making a joke I say, “Haha I bet you sent that message to all your prospects”. His response to me: “Don’t be paranoid!” Ouch. Also, your reverse psychology isn’t going to work on me. I know you are still using the dating app! You are online right now not talking to me!!!
I wish we could all “date” and be casual about it with out knowing that we are all doing it. That has been the hardest part to wrap my head around. I’d rather it not be in my face – ONLINE NOW!!