Throwbacks

There are Plenty of Fish out in that there sea, but only a few are a real catch. Its a gnarly game of catch and release.

Bachelor #1

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The message this guy sent me said nice things, but I can tell by this guy’s pictures that I wouldn’t be into him. And then reading this, well, it just gives me bad juju vibes. He says nice things, but the way he words it comes across as snobbish.

Honestly, this particular guy lost me in the first two sentences:

“I am not your average man. I have traveled to many places, both large cities like Columbus, and small towns that don’t exceed double digits.”

Who actually says “I’m not your average man”?!? Pricks. That’s who.

Not Your Average Man, travels. To big cities and small rural towns. Apparently Columbus is considered a “large city” to this guy. I had to look it up. Columbus is the 15th largest city in the states. Of the 14 before Columbus, I have visited about half. I would not have chosen Columbus to demonstrate that I like going to big cities. It concerns me that this very well traveled man has not traveled to a city larger than Columbus.

He then goes on to clarify that this means he likes both cities and rural towns. Uh Ok. That’s cool. You are already insinuating that you are so much smarter than the person reading your profile that you have to explain what you are talking about. Maybe you try to write about yourself without sounding like a pompous ass. I think maybe you say things, and then don’t clarify, and only the ladies worth your intellectually stimulating time will get it. But, that is just my opinion.

Speaking of traveling, he mentions again that he likes to travel and has been to locations all through the US. Did he not re-read his profile? Can he not see that this sentence clearly belongs with the first paragraph? Maybe the first paragraph should come second? How does visiting most of the US cities (both large and small) have anything to do with Italy?!

Clearly, I need to just respond to him with an edited version of his profile about me section and send him off with best wishes. NEXT!

Bachelor #2

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Literally, my first thought when I received this message was: Is he talking about me, or a donut?! I think he was eating a donut, and forgot and sent me this message. It could happen. I know I think donuts are damn sexy.

I’m glad he clarifies that he is fun, single, and a man and that he is looking for a woman. No adjectives for the lady, just female. Basic. Standards.

I really think my least favorite thing in the world may be getting called “sexy” by strangers. Is this just me? Do other women hate this?! Maybe it’s from growing up in a large city and getting cat-calls starting at 12. Maybe I just automatically don’t believe anyone who leads with calling me “sexy”.

It’s not that I don’t think that I’m capable of being sexy, or that I think it would be impossible for a guy to consider me as such….. But, I see the pictures other women post and I know that they are leading with sex. Or Boobs. And I am most definitely NOT. Hell, in half my pictures I’m not even wearing any make-up. I’m dressed very conservatively in all my pictures. My point being – if you want sex, and want a girl that’s going to respond to “mmmm sexy” maybe you go for a different target.

Bachelor #3

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Yes. I am ignoring you. You can’t even figure out how to post a picture that isn’t sideways. I looked a your profile. The rest of your pictures are either at the gym, sideways or both. You FAIL! NEXT!

Bachelor #4

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The message was just “Hi” or “Hey”, which I’m not mad about. I get it. People get tired, and lazy, and run out of ideas. But, then this is the profile. You didn’t even make your bed?! Your bathroom is a disaster! AND WHY IS YOUR HAND DOWN THE BACK OF YOUR PANTS?! Does he think male butt crack is sexy? Are there women that are asking to see his plumber crack? Is he a plumber?

Also, I’m new to the Midwest/Ohio and I had to check if Coolville is actually a place on the map. AND IT IS! It’s only 3 hours away. I’m female. I will never need to go 3 hours in order to get laid.

NEXT!

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