An Apology to Mr. Nice Guy

An open letter/apology to all the nice guys out there – From all the fucked up emotionally unavailable women in your life.

Dear Mr. Nice Guy,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I don’t believe you. Incapable, even. I’m sorry that you have to work twice as hard to convince the girl you aren’t the same as every other dick out there. I’m sorry that this is an impossible task.

I’m sorry that we can’t accept your compliments. That we hear everything as a back-handed dig. That we just stare and say “Thank You” like it was programmed by Stephen Hawking. That we can’t imagine a guy finding us pretty or funny or smart, even though we know we are with our girlfriends.

I’m sorry that we think you are lying when you say you missed us. That we can’t comprehend that you wanted to spend more time with us after spending so much time already with us. That we assume you are just missing a person there in general, or that you are lonely rather than missing us personally with all our quirks.

I’m sorry we can’t say nice things. That we have a really hard time with saying “I missed you too”. That we can’t allow ourselves to get wrapped up into the romance without being vulnerable. That we can’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable until we know you are.

I’m sorry that we cringe when you say “babe”. That there is a weird awkward silence after. That we find it too hard to use such terms of endearment. That we may flinch at your touch, when it’s not expected. That it is a reflex we have.

I’m sorry that we don’t trust you when you suggest that you will be around next week, or in a month, or ever after. That we can’t begin to accept that plan you started to make regarding a date idea or road trips or that you really meant it when you suggested you would help paint or hang a TV. That we brush off your attempts at being nice. Being helpful. Being kind.

I’m sorry that other guys have fucked us up. I’m especially sorry if we are still dealing with those guys. If we have no choice but to continue to communicate with these guys who manipulate, dictate, and control.

I’m sorry that we are constantly judging you. When you take a night to cut lose. When you’ve messed up previously a life time ago before you knew us. When you say just the right thing that triggers every emotion and irrational response.

I’m sorry that you get hopeful, when we can’t. When you get cheesy, and we are at a loss for words. When you say amazingly beautifully sweet things, and we assume it’s your “game”.

I’m sorry we are assuming that you are dating other people when you might not be. I’m sorry that we are preemptively picking fights or breaking up with you in order to not get hurt. That we assume you have no serious intentions. That we assume you are only interested in us for sex. That any one would only want to spend time with us in order to get laid. That you may spend all your time with us, but we are convinced you are sleeping with other girls.

I’m sorry that we read into every text sent or not. That when you don’t respond it means you don’t care. That you aren’t interested. That you are with someone else. That we assume the worst.

I’m sorry that we are on edge. That we are waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

I’m sorry that we aren’t more accepting of you. As you are, in all your Nice Guy glory. Instead projecting all the bad shit we’ve ever dealt with onto your actions and words. That we spend our time trying to manipulate made up scenarios.

I’m sorry we gravitate to the “bad boys” who we know how to handle. Where we know the game. Know the rules. Know how to play.

I’m sorry that you have to make such an effort to convince us that you should be innocent until proven guilty.

I apologize in advance.




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