Rape culture is a real thing. For Reals, y’all.
When a guy thinks a woman is getting drunk in order to have sex with him, that’s an idea from rape culture. When a guy thinks that he is allowed to have sex with a woman who is unconscious, that’s from the rape culture. When a guy thinks he doesn’t need a definitive “yes”, that’s because a culture of rape has allowed him to believe a slight nod, or a wink, or a glance is code for “I would love to have sex with you right now, but I’m a coy frail woman and it would be against my moral fortitude to tell you so. Instead why don’t you hold me down and I’ll pretend to fight you off, because isn’t that sexy?”
I’m not talking about obvious rape. The kind of rape that everyone agrees is wrong. The, a stranger attacked her and raped her, kind of rape. Or the, some random guy at the bar put something in her drink then took her home and raped her, kind of rape.
Nope. Rape culture is about victim blaming. Rape culture is about making excuses for privileged men. It’s about telling these men that they didn’t know better. It’s about teaching our girls that their body is shameful, and that it causes men to do bad things. Rape culture is a thing, because there are people who don’t believe in feminism. Rape culture is a thing because men are not held responsible for their bad choices.
This is the guy every one knows from campus, the acquaintance, the friend, the boyfriend, the husband, the guy in your life that makes you feel less than because you don’t want to have sex with them at their beck and call. The guy that then plots to take what he thinks he won’t be able to get.
I know I’m making a very large assumption here but, IF the guy says, “are you sure you want to do this?” and the answer isn’t a resounding “YES!” then slow your roll dude. Just slow down. Let her make a decision. There is a lot she’s thinking about. Maybe her having to think about it should be enough of a clue that it isn’t going to happen.
To be clear – In no way is a guy EVER entitled to a woman’s body or sex. She really is allowed to say “no” or to change her mind at any point. This is what the girl’s parents are telling her. Please don’t make them liars. Please.
Women are told to be safe. To not put themselves into “questionable situations”. To go out with friends, so they aren’t targeted. To not drink too much. To not wear certain clothes. To be less, so that men don’t want them. That it’s their fault if a man attacks them. None of these are acceptable reasons for a man to rape a woman. AND by telling a woman how to avoid rape, you are telling her it is her fault that she got raped. THIS IS THE CULTURE OF RAPE!