I went to Nashville with MJ. It was an amazing time. Filled with laughing, drinking, wandering, and shenanigans.
There was a moment though. A moment of panic. I got to MJs house at the appointed time Saturday morning to pick him up and nothing. No answers to my text. No answers to my call. No answers to knocking on the door. I go back to the car and sit, and plan my next steps.
“Maybe he is in the shower” I think.
“Maybe he’s passed out drunk” I think.
“Maybe he’s backed out, doesn’t want to go” I think.
“I’ll give him 10 minutes, and then I will try again” I think.
I wait 10 long minutes in my car, playing on my phone, wondering what I will do if he never answers. Wondering how long I am supposed to wait.
“If he doesn’t answer this time, I’m going to Nashville alone” I think.
Next, I get back out of the car, I knock on his window, and then again on the front door. This time I hear life inside. He looks out of the front door and sees me. Shock and confusion on his face. He doesn’t know what time it is. He wasn’t ready to go.
I try not to think of this as a bad omen. He goes back to bed. But I’ve had my coffee and I’m ready to go! To get on the road! I’m trying to be upbeat and perky. I love a good road trip, but nothing is worse than leaving significantly later than the original time planned. So, I force him up. He takes another 30 minutes to get ready, to shower and pack.
After a few passive aggressive comments/jokes about him staying up all night, he says that he was ready for bed and in pjs by 10pm, but then a friend from high school called him up and asked him to meet for a beer with a bunch of other people. Next thing he knows one beer turns into an all-nighter, and hes up until 4am. Slept through all his alarms. Didn’t do all the things he had planned to do in the morning.
And I’m trying not to be harsh. I’m trying really hard not to be judgemental. But dagnabbit its been like a billion years since that’s been me. Even when I was in prime party age in college, that was rarely me. I like sleep. I like to sleep a lot, and for a long time. I used to be a pro at sleeping. Kids and age have messed that up a lot. But I have hope that one day I will be able to sleep like I once could. You know. When I’m 80, and all I do is sleep, and eat, and occasionally play bingo with the gals. I just hope that when I’m 80 and playing bingo, its not at some lame old folks home, but at like drag queen bingo night.
Anyway, I’m trying to be non-judgmental, without being too open-minded that I lose all reason. But I sat there wondering is that normal for guys his age? Is that normal for him? Does he go out more that I realize? Is this a thing that every time he parties with his friends its going to get wild? Like sleep in until 10 the next day wild?
I let it go. I didn’t let it ruin my morning, or my day, or the trip. But I filed it away. Like girls do. It’s in that back pocket. Maybe a small red flag, maybe not. Waiting. If it happens again, well then we’re looking at charts and graphs territory, if ya know what I mean. Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge.
Then I have a night off and I go to a friends (a friend with no kids, while I had no kids), we drank wine, ordered pizza, ate too much, drank more, talked and got caught up on each others lives, and then went to bed around 2am. I slept in the guest room. Now that’s no 4am party all night get super drunk, but it happens. We all turn into Drunky McDrunkerson when out having a few with good friends. As long as you are being safe, and you are not responsible for other people during the time, it’s fine. And when I woke up at 9am and made my coffee and took MORE advil, I was very grateful that I did not have to deal with kids that morning.
Here is what I know. I know that I know my limits. I don’t always trust other people to know their limits. So that’s an issue I have. Not the other person. But it means I’m constantly watching for signs. The tells that the other person starts to give when they have had a bit too much.
Again, all this fact finding is just that. Fact finding. Filing it away to be made sense of later. Looking for patterns and hindsight. It will make more sense in the future.