Leaving a toothbrush at the other persons house is a thing. I mean, I’ve never done the whole adulting relationship dating dance before, so maybe it’s not. BUT! If I were to believe Joe Jonas, from whom I learn all pop culture references, leaving the toothbrush is significant enough to write a song about! And I quote, “Baby you don’t have to rush, You can leave a toothbrush, At my place, At my place” Classic in the making (sarcastic font)! P.S. Don’t go google it, its damn catchy and you’ll get it stuck in your head all day. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
It’s a clear step. At least, it is in the movies. The moving in of stuff. I mean, clearly How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days was not wrong about the creepy things that happen way too fast in a relationship. What If I had shown up 2 dates in and brought a box of tampons to leave at his house? That would be as creepy as shit. No, Thank You. I will keep those things in my purse like a normal person, and pretend they don’t exist.
He left a few dvds here way back when, in the early weeks. I made a comment about it, and he said he left them for me to watch. Oh. I took them back to his house. Because they were causing discord at my house. I can’t “clean” them up. They have no place. They aren’t mine to put into the dvd collection on the shelf. They just sat there taunting me! I couldn’t have that.
He said later, when he saw me walk into his house with the dvds (that I brought with me because he said that maybe we wouldn’t go out, so I thought maybe we will stay in and can watch these shows I will never have time to watch at my house), that I was bringing them over to break up with him. To tell him we were over. That I would never be seeing him again, so here are these things you left at my house. Wow – dvds sure can say a lot of things. Who knew?!
Granted MJ does tend to be random and forgetful, making it really hard for me to tell when and if he is being intentional. He forgot his toothbrush at home when we went to Nashville. He then tried to forget the new toothbrush in the AirBnB, which thanks to me we took with. Now I think this “extra” toothbrush is living at my house. The one from Nashville.
It’s like he’s moving in one item at a time. First, he happens to leave a few dvds. Then his toothbrush is in my bathroom. Next thing you know he’ll be taking a drawer. He just acts so damn comfortable with it all. Like it’s all no big deal. Like living with a person is no big deal. Like dating a person is no big deal. Like relationships are just sooooooo easy.
He says he feels like he has known me forever. And I think, doesn’t he know that’s a line? That’s something that’s only said in fiction. He just seems like he knows how this game works, like he’s familiar with the rules and regulations, and I’m the rookie. The JV walk-on. Or Something.
Every time he leaves, I am both sad and relieved. This is how I know I’m not ready for a serious relationship. The being relieved part. So relieved to have my space back and I can put everything back where it goes. I had a husband, I was constantly cleaning up after him. Or, I was playing the lets see who will crack first if I don’t do this chore game. We were two passive aggressive people playing passive aggressive games, waiting for the other to cave in. I do not want that again.
I do not want the mingling of stuff. I want my space, that I will clean when I want to. He can have his space, and I don’t care how messy it is. I do not want to live with someone and feel like I have to clean up after them. I have two kids. I barely clean up after them. I do not want to add another person to that mix.
So, when he leaves I’m ok with fixing the few things. I go room by room and put everything back. As in where I think it should go. How I like it. In my house. I re-distribute the toothpaste after he squeezes it from the top and not the bottom. I fix the sheets and pillows putting them back into order. I put the glass or dishes into the sink. I close the cabinet door left open. I scoot in the chair or stool. And I do it all with a slight smile and shake of the head. Ok with it because it’s not permanent. It’s not the norm. It’s not everyday.
I never realized how territorial I was.