I spent two weeks on vacation. With various people asking me about my relationship status, and “How’s it going with….?” Ugh. Meanwhile, we weren’t calling each other. We were texting occasionally. And some days we didn’t even text.
Remember when you were in school and calling and talking for hours on the phone was a thing? It’s a thing that I HATE. I hate talking on the phone. Well…. I don’t like talking on the phone “just to talk”. I know, I know, most ladies love it. Love the chance to chat, to ask questions, to discuss topics, to tell stories. I really dislike the phone. I am awkward. I have a hard time thinking of things to say. It’s better to be sitting somewhere enjoying the space of one another in silence, than to be sitting on the phone in silence.
That doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about him. I was. I just didn’t want to waste his time texting about random stuff. I didn’t want to interrupt whatever thing he was doing. After a few days of making the effort to text, I stopped. I slowed it down. It felt like I was doing all the initiating of the texting. I didn’t want to appear clingy, or more attached than I am.
I did call him one day. We chatted for about 10 minutes. I was in the car, and sad about leaving my kids with their dad, and needed a distraction. I needed to be cheered up. It worked a little.
When I got back he called me. We wanted to see each other, and I had time later that day. We made a plan. And it felt like a test. Like the “real boyfriend” test. First he had called me, and that was boyfriend-ish. Then we made plans for him to come over for dinner. I would get food prepped, and he would grill – cooking together feels boyfriend-ish.
It also felt like maybe we were both able to back off a little while I was gone, reevaluate the relationship and our feelings? Like that was the unsaid thing happening.
He came over, and while I offered him a glass of wine, he went straight for the whisky. I originally bought the bottle because sometimes my cousin comes over, and I wanted to have something in the house for him. Well MJ drank all of it. Not at once! No…. But now I feel like he should be the one to replace it. Wouldn’t that be the thing to do? If you’re dating someone and you open, and then finish something of theirs, do you replace it?
So he has three whiskeys, and I have my wine. We talk and I get food ready for the grill. He gets the grill going and we enjoy the outside deck. Food is ready, and we eat inside. After we are done, he takes the last little bit of the wine. Now I open a second bottle of wine, and we hang out talking more.
The cooking together part was good. The hanging out part was good. There was just something that felt off.
Here’s where things get weird for me. I eventually go to sleep, and he is awake until like 3am. He does this on a regular basis. He has insomnia? He’s on drugs? He doesn’t need as much sleep as me? I have no idea what his deal is, but I’m begging to go to bed by 10pm, and can hardly keep my eyes open, and he’s wandering to bed at like 3 or 4 AM in the MORNING!!!
I’m contemplating using that as the basis for the break-up. I mean if it comes to that. I’m a night person but come on! I also need 12 hours of sleep a night. I really am a cat.
Anyway. Some thing feels off. I’m starting to get sirens in my gut. I haven’t fully figured out what it is. I don’t have a ton if experience, so it’s hard for me to identify what is happening with out a frame of reference. Maybe its a combination of things. I feel like this is the beginning of the end, in a way. And not in a bad way, but just in the run-its-course way.
I feel like we have both backed off on the daily communication. Maybe he is really busy, maybe I’ve been really busy, maybe that’s just life. Or maybe he’s slowly backing his way out of this, and frankly my lack of caring is concerning. Maybe it’s me that’s making less of an effort. I’m not sure.