Swan Song

I think MJ is a weirdo for staying up all night. Maybe he thinks I’m a weirdo for something? I wouldn’t be surprised.

We are in the weird dating phase. Or Zone. There wasn’t anything major that came up in the first three months. You know, when you are both on your best behavior, so mostly inherent differences, and deal breakers are the reason for ending things. Now we are past that point. Maybe getting a little bit more comfortable with each other. Maybe now is when true colors start to show. Maybe the crazy comes out a bit more.

Like I said before, something is weird. Something is off. Its now been two weeks since I’ve been back from vacation and we saw each other twice. The first Monday I was back was the Boyfriend Test night.

A week later he sends me a text, “You don’t seem that interested in me anymore.” Um, What?! We have been texting. I’ve slowed down on my texting, so that maybe he could initiate the texting more. I wanted to gauge if I was maybe overdoing it. Instead he took it as a sign that I wasn’t into him? I reply that I am still interested. . . . (but fading), and ask if he is still interested. He says, “Yes that’s why I text you all the time.” I appreciate the sentiment, but I disagree with the texting me all the time. Which is kinda how we got to this place, I think.

We plan to see each other Wednesday. And he has car issues come up. Says he won’t be over until late. He gets here at 10. We cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. I fall asleep, and he suggests bed. Nothing amazing. Nothing bad. Just kinda comfortable. This was nice and normal MJ, not wild and crazy MJ. I liked normal MJ. That was the MJ I could get used to. Wild and crazy MJ, was a bit to wild…. and crazy…. and not the kind of crazy I think I could manage on a regular basis.

Thursday I text him about weekend plans. We talk about various things that would be fun, but make no solid plans. I text him Saturday morning and he tells me he’s going golfing. Uh. Ok. Have fun golfing. So hot and miserable, I’m not sure that golfing sounds like a good idea, but to each their own. I make plans to have lunch with a friend.

As my frosty beverage, an amazing kiwi coconut mojito at Jekyll’s in Chagrin Falls, arrives so does a text from MJ.

“Babe… We’re not really into the same things. I don’t really see a future for us. You realize this right? I mean you have to see that as well.”

Oh. I reply “yeah…” Cause, yup. I get it. Its not really happening. You can’t force it. It it what it is, and sometimes things just don’t work. No need to blame anyone. Right?

“It’s sad”

“Yeah. It is sad. I like you, but somethings just off”

“When you said it was weird that I met you at the mall 6 months ago it kinda degraded the whole relationship. Really got me thinking. You don’t value me at all. Maybe you do or don’t. I dunno. I like you. I just don’t think I’m the man you’re looking for.”

Now just stop right there. This was not 6 months ago, it was barely 3 months ago. It is weird when your third date is at the mall and you’re over 16. Just facts. I didn’t mean weird in a bad way. This sounds a lot like insecurities, and nothing to do with me. I’m not going to convince a guy that I like him. If what I’m doing isn’t enough, it’s not a good fit. I may not have been clear by what I meant about it being “weird” that he met me at the mall. I meant that it was unexpected, but nice. It was different. But it did convey that this guy liked me. I couldn’t make any of that clear, because he got so stuck on the word “weird” and then started going off on a tangent which I couldn’t get back. He wasn’t going to listen to me, he already was hearing the story he made up in his head.

This is not something that I’m willing to fight for. I wasn’t that invested. I’m not ready for that level of relationship. I’d like exclusively casual. Is that a thing? Does that make me a serial monogamist?

And honestly, while I knew something was up, this may have gone a tad differently if he hadn’t initiated the break up talk over text. He knew I was available and this could have been an in person conversation. Which tells me, he isn’t into it. He’s over it and so am I and that’s fine. I’m not mad about it.

My final text to him?

“I’m sorry that you felt that I didn’t value you. That wasn’t the intent. And I feel I wasn’t clear with that whole mall story. Because in the end, it was nice that you did meet me. It was just very unexpected. You are an amazing person- and you definitely deserve to feel valued. But I agree that I’m not sure this is a good fit for us.”

Have a nice life MJ. I wish you all the best. I hope you find what you are looking for and all that jazz.

 

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