Dater Burnout

The thing about online dating, is that your pool is only as good as the other people looking.

I mean, technically, this is true in real life too. But just not as obvious. And with some apps and their algorithms, I think they are trying to keep people from matching. Keep their user numbers up? It feels that way. When your subscription app is about to expire and suddenly you get a lot of activity? Hmm….

Bumble has a “Beeline” Now you can pay to see who has already swiped right on you. But if you don’t pay – well now its a blurry bubble that gives you a number! The number of people swiping right that are waiting to match with you. Except, it’s an illusion. Not real at all. Because of those guys how many are going to un-match you? How many are never going to respond? How many are not even worth a right swipe?

Same with POF! People could swipe through people “liking”, or right swiping, or what have you. But that doesn’t really mean anything. Right? I remember having a large number of guys who “liked” me. But I wasn’t going to pay to see who. Mostly probably guys I’m too good for, or don’t meet my basic standards. You know: non-smoker, smart, ambitious, liberal, not crazy, has social skills – the BASICS. And on top of, if I get tacos and flowers then, swoon.

And who are we kidding. I’d be happy with just the tacos. Flowers would be like icing. The next guy who wants to make it to boyfriend level better have given me some damn flowers.

I like the idea of Happn. And Hinge. People just don’t use them out here. Happn being the app that shows you other users that you have crossed paths with. Great if you live or work somewhere with a large number of users, or even great if you drive/move around your city a lot. I go to the same 4 places, and there are not that many people sooooooo….. Nope.

Hinge is based on Facebook (or as my brother calls it FaceDerp) network. Which means it will ONLY show you users in your network of Facebook friends. Seems like a great idea, meeting friends of friend? In Theory. In actuality, I don’t have a ton of Facebook friends (I keep it to actual people I care about, as opposed to everyone I met that one time). I have even LESS friends that are local. So you know what Hinge shows me? Guys in Michigan. Four hours away. Fuck that!

I had breakfast with a friend, I was telling her about various guys who have shown interest. She said, “it sounds like there are plenty of options”. And yes. There are a lot of options. Sometimes. Sometimes too many options. Other times there are no options. Mostly there are just a lot of bad options.

I’m still stupidly talking to Match guy. I need to cut it off. I need to tell him, lets face facts our schedules are just never going to align. It feels like a waste of time. And it’s not for lack of trying, we just really don’t have the same non-kid schedule. Personality wise I like him, but I just can’t tell from his pictures if I think he is attractive. This is why I need to meet people in person. I just don’t have the time!

I reached out to a guy I previously was talking to before Crazy Pants (Revisit that here). We met up. Seems nice. Is cute. Maybe second date. We shall see. I’m skeptical in general, about all things romance, but it’s heightened since crazy pants seemed so nice and genuine and then turned into a raging crazy town mayor.

Third guy, says things like “cosmopolitanism” and is growing on me. He suggested a meet. And I felt so lame saying “Yes! What are you doing three weekends from now?!”.

A year of being (mostly) single and I am feeling the dating burnout. How do people do this? Like forever? It gets taxing. That’s probably why these guys (and girls) who are chronically single have given up talking to people.

Still waiting for that perfect meet cute. Maybe I need to hang out at more flower shops…. Maybe a Christian Slater look-a-like florist wants to send me a million flowers for looking sad enough?!

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3 thoughts on “Dater Burnout

  1. I completely understand this post to its fullest….. I’ve experienced burnout several times over the last 3 years… and this is how I have learned to combat it… I only have ONE app at a time. When I have more than that, it becomes stressful to be checking all those messages, talking to so many people, and then just frustrating because where I am, I see a LOT of the same guys on all the sites… So I only have one at a time.

    Also, if I start feeling too stressed or depressed about it, I just delete them all. Now, I don’t delete my profiles, but I may hide them or inactivate or whatever their options are…. because we all know BUILDING that shit back takes forever and is super annoying. But I’ll delete the apps off my phone, so I’m not tempted. and I’ll just RELAX and focus on other things. I do things that I enjoy with friends or alone, I focus on myself and try to avoid even thinking about finding a partner.

    Then, later, I just feel like I’m good with it, and I’ll get ONE more app…. It isn’t a priority anymore. I stopped FOCUSING on finding someone. Dating is a hobby I partake in IF I have the time, IF I feel like it, IF I agree with myself to not let it overtake my brain.

    Liked by 1 person

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