I made plans with Rural before all this baseball game nonsense. I guess it was silly of me to try to date guys in Cleveland this year. They have all been a bit….. distracted. First the Cavaliers, now the Indians. I mean, go team go! But, wow. These guys would rather watch a game than get laid.
Then, turns out there was a game scheduled for the night we were supposed to go out. He said he wanted to go somewhere that would show the game. Said he would still “grace me with his presence” in a joking manner. Is what I thought. I thought he was kidding, but it didn’t sit well with me. So I gave him an out. I texted him, and said it was fine if he wanted to reschedule, sounded like watching the game with friends might be more fun. Not judgey at all.
I get it. This is a big deal to him. We aren’t really dating. We’re barely seeing each other. If he wants to do something with friends instead of me, then that’s ok. I’m really not mad about it at all.
He replies, “It’s fine”. FUUUUCCCKKKK. No. Nope. No No No. This is NOT the thing you say to the girl you are trying to make plans with. I don’t want to be “it’s fine”. I don’t want to be an obligation. I don’t want to feel like a burden. I want fun and happy and distraction. Ugh. I don’t reply. How does one reply to “it’s fine” if I see you. Its fine if you want to hang out. Its fine if you want to spend time with me. Its fine, I’ll allow it. What a shitty thing to say to a person.
On Friday, in the afternoon, he texts me.
This is THE most frustrating part of all this. How is this guy allowed to talk to other people? How does he get anything done? Why are people so vague?! Why do people make things worse under the guise that they are sparing the other person’s feelings?
I still know what you are trying to say dude. I get all the subtext. JUST SAY THE WORDS! ALL OF THEM! I’d rather you be a dick and cancel then be an even bigger dick by making me feel like you will tolerate a night with me.
Sure, it is actually rude to cancel. But there are exceptions. There is understanding. There are circumstances. And I’m not here to force anyone into hanging out with me.
It took everything I had NOT to be incredibly snarky in my reply. Because No. No I do not want to sit with you while you watch the game. Not after you make it very clear that you don’t want to go out, or be with me, or whatever other thing I can’t guess because you didn’t tell me and I’m not a mind reader. He does try to reschedule, but I’m a busy gal, with plans and a schedule. Sorry.
But I was pissed. I wasn’t angry about him cancelling. I was angry at how he handled it and made me feel. My only regret is that I included “don’t worry about it” twice, because I was piecing together a reply.
I said I would let him know about Sunday, and on Sunday I let him know I didn’t feel good and would rather rest before I picked up kids.
He never responds. I hadn’t heard from him since Friday afternoon. Thursday, after getting terrible sleep, I finally message him. His responses were all short and to the point. Just like I had been to Match guy when I realized we would probably never end up meeting in person, while I was distracted, before I told him DIRECTLY that I met someone else.
Saturday we talk. He called me on the phone, and I had to call him back. Yuck. He’s sticking to his story. He wants to grow his business. He doesn’t have much time or energy to make constant effort. He wants to be super casual. And I’m not supposed to tell him when I’m available.
Oh yeah. That’s right. Apparently it was off putting that I would put it out there when I had free time with out children. That was too much pressure, or something, for him. I’m just supposed to wait until he feels like seeing me and suggests something. Fuck you dude.
He said that all women expect some relationship track, and that if things aren’t progressing at a constant speed then its not worth it, that they think either the guy is all in or all out. Dude. Duuuuude. Please do project other women’s mentality or attitudes onto me. I said that, to him, out loud. I explained that I already did the marriage thing, and I’m not interested in that road ANY time soon. I have my kids. If more kids happen someday then great, if not, ok thats cool too. I’m not the average early 30’s lady with an agenda.
I told him I just wanted him to be honest and direct with me. Like if I had mentioned, hey lets hang out, and he responds no I’d rather stay home tonight, then I respect that more than a vague response. I said if I’m seeing a guy, I’d actually like to see him once in a while. I told him I would back off. That he can contact me when he has the time. If it works, great, if not, no big deal. I am done making any effort for this guy.
Ugh. It’s not a rejection notice, but it’s a very clear message. I didn’t catch feelings for this guy, but it still hurts. In a vague, I’m damaged goods and no one will ever want to put up with me and my life, kind of way. Even though I know that’s not really true. Good guys happen all the time. I know they are out there.
I’ve never been great about being patient.