Home for the Holidays

Thanksgiving is on Thursday. I have many many things to be thankful for this year. My health, my kids, my house, my family, and friends are the top ones.

This year is also the first year that I won’t have the kids with me for Thanksgiving. The ex is taking them to his parents house back in Los Angeles, and I wont see them for almost a week. I’m feeling torn, and all the mommy guilt. I, of course, want to spend all the time with my kids, but I also understand that breaks from the crazy beasts is also needed.

I am still going to do the usual Ohio Thanksgiving, that has become the norm in the last 4 years. I will go to my Aunts house. I will bring the rice dressing and the cranberry relish. There will be a day for making cookies, and I will make whiskey cookies (also known as Christmas cookies). I will also make and freeze the dough for several other kinds of cookies. I also want to make gingerbread loaves this year. This year I’ve been invited to make Pierogies with the family, which is very exciting!

My lower level floor will be finished this week, and so I need to pick the furniture for the room. I’m very excited and also dreading spending the money. Its a family room and playroom, so I want to pick budget pieces that will survive kids, but also look nice.

And as for my dating break? Well there has been a little texting with Rural, but I have no reason to see him in person, unless he explicitly states he wants to see me. I am waiting for him to ask me out on a date. And by “waiting” I mean I’m not holding my breath because it will probably never happen. He’s never asked me out and then followed through, since starting talking with him in April. I’ve been the one to either ask him out, or to make it happen. Here’s the thing, with Rural, I know its just a fling. I know that I won’t develop stronger feelings. There are a couple little things, that I think would annoy me long term. At least I’m fairly sure, and I’m confident that he wouldn’t allow us to get close enough for that to happen even. But I also know that it isn’t healthy for me to pursue him, or put significant energy into it. So, if something makes me think of him, I’ll send a friendly text, if he gets flirty, I can flirt back, I just don’t see the need to make effort to actually see him.

I haven’t canceled Match, because its paid. It ends in December I think. But I’ve deleted the notifications and the app. I check the website maybe once a week or less. This weekend I was surprised with an email from a seemingly normal guy. I’ve been chatting a bit, and he seems nice. I haven’t gotten an weird creeper vibes yet. But, I haven’t decided what I will do if he does ask to meet…. If he asks, then I’m not breaking my rule of not actively seeking a date, but maybe I should just delay, citing holidays and travel? Of course, the reality is that he is probably talking to several ladies, and will just loose interest and move on. November and December are a weird time to start getting to know a person. On the other hand, maybe all the built in holiday breaks are good for forcing a person to take things slow. Keep it in perspective…

Meanwhile I’ve been thinking about what I might do after the break. I’m considering a speed dating event, to check it out. I really wish I had a single girl friend I could make go with me. A friend of mine is pushing for me to try eharmony. I haven’t before because you have to be vetted with an actual divorce case number in order to say you are divorced. They don’t even allow you if you are separated. A little intense. Maybe I will give OKC another whirl, since my first stint with them only lasted….oh…. about three days. I will go back to Bumble, its still my favorite for interface and usability and the BFF feature is a plus.

I keep getting asked if I’m ready for anything serious or long term. And I think the answer is still I don’t know, or maybe, or with the right guy. With Magic/Crazy Joe as we got closer to the three month mark, I started getting more red flags and I pulled away, withdrew. I realize now that my wait and see should maybe have been a cut bait. But I am learning. I’m learning how to manage my expectations and emotions. I’m learning how to trust my instincts. I’m learning the difference between lust, and growing love.


2 thoughts on “Home for the Holidays

  1. I like this post a lot….! Definitely muster up the courage and go to the speed dating thing. I went to one ONCE, but only once because they keep scheduling them on days I’ve already got plans…. and it wasn’t all that great, I went because I just wanted to see what it was about. It was like 9 women and 3 men that showed up… so it was a bit one sided… but many of us stayed after and had dinner and just chatted. So I see the potential of finding friends there (like female friends).. so I plan to do another.

    Isn’t it sad how used we get to men just losing interest after a few days because that’s just what happens? They just ghost out with no explanation or anything!! It really does train you to NOT put any stock in anything up front. Ever. I don’t know if that makes us pessimistic or just realists. LOL.


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