I’m kinda sorta starting to see this guy, and one of the major issues I have is that he lives with his parents. He made a joke the other night that his roommates are his parents. I don’t know how his relationship is with his parents, but it has me thinking.
At my age, people are expected to have their own house. Roommates don’t happen often, and if you don’t have your own house, then you are renting. Few people have roommates and fewer live with their parents. This may also be a Midwest thing too. People in big expensive cities won’t have the same options. But, many couples I know here have the house they live in, and another property they came into the relationship with and are trying to sell.
I don’t have the kind of relationship with my parents where I could live with them again without going insane. But I know people older than me that have moved back in with their parents, and for good reasons. And I’m not judging them for it, so why I’m I so quick to judge a dating partner? Why would I make an excuse for the person whose situation I know, versus the person I just met?
What is a good reason to live with your parents?
- Taking care of an aging/disabled/mentally unstable parent(s). If you need to live with a parent in order to essentially take care of them, or look after them, then that’s a very valid reason. AND, if the issue is long term, or requires frequent check ins and your currently place is far or expensive, then it really would be wasteful to keep the second residence.
- Saving Money. If you or the parent needs to save money. It can be fiscally responsible to live with another person. Maybe you are saving for a down payment on a house, and your parents are able to help by letting you put that money away instead of paying rent. Maybe your parent is living off social security and you don’t want them to worry about living and food expenses.
- Transitional Time. Maybe you just moved back for a job? Maybe your parents just moved to be closer to you? Maybe you just got a divorce? In a time of transition, things don’t always go smoothly. Not all housing options are going to magically overlap with plenty of moving time. You (or your parent(s)) might need a place for a bit. And, for many people the logical, cost effective, answer is with family.
I think as long as all parties are ok with the situation and have ground rules and stated boundaries, then it shouldn’t be a problem. It is a problem if the person is living with their parents just to delay the growing up process. I don’t want the movie image of the guy who lives in his mom’s basement with her making every meal, and doing the guy’s laundry. That is not the guy I want. But, a reasonable guy, living and doing his own thing who happens to have his parents as his roommates, should not be automatically ruled out. In my opinion. I think there are a few very valid reasons for the arrangement, and thus the guy should be judged on his own merits and not by his living situation.
Are there any reasons that I may have missed that you would find valid?
I think my issue is more about letting someone new come over to my house since it is so personal. Its not a generic apartment, or someone elses house. Its MY house, with things that I bought. I made all the decorating choices. And it’s full of kid stuff. Any guy who I’m seeing and knows that I have kids in a vague way, since never having to deal with them, would be hit over the head with the fact if they came to my house. It also means, that I feel like I need to have the house super clean. Like fancy guest level clean, as opposed to friends who also have kids clean.
Also, there are logistical questions. Will we always have to meet out? What if I go to pick him up? What if it gets to the point of sleepovers, are his parents going to be weird about him staying out since they know when he is or isn’t there? He mentioned that it might take a year for this job to become a full time thing. Does that mean he’s planning to live with his parents for at least a year?! And what does that mean to him for dating?
I know – I know. I’m overthinking. I can’t help it.