3 Reasons why its ok to live with your parents

I’m kinda sorta starting to see this guy, and one of the major issues I have is that he lives with his parents. He made a joke the other night that his roommates are his parents. I don’t know how his relationship is with his parents, but it has me thinking.

At my age, people are expected to have their own house. Roommates don’t happen often, and if you don’t have your own house, then you are renting. Few people have roommates and fewer live with their parents. This may also be a Midwest thing too. People in big expensive cities won’t have the same options. But, many couples I know here have the house they live in, and another property they came into the relationship with and are trying to sell.

I don’t have the kind of relationship with my parents where I could live with them again without going insane. But I know people older than me that have moved back in with their parents, and for good reasons. And I’m not judging them for it, so why I’m I so quick to judge a dating partner? Why would I make an excuse for the person whose situation I know, versus the person I just met?

What is a good reason to live with your parents?

  1. Taking care of an aging/disabled/mentally unstable parent(s). If you need to live with a parent in order to essentially take care of them, or look after them, then that’s a very valid reason. AND, if the issue is long term, or requires frequent check ins and your currently place is far or expensive, then it really would be wasteful to keep the second residence.
  2. Saving Money. If you or the parent needs to save money. It can be fiscally responsible to live with another person. Maybe you are saving for a down payment on a house, and your parents are able to help by letting you put that money away instead of paying rent. Maybe your parent is living off social security and you don’t want them to worry about living and food expenses.
  3. Transitional Time. Maybe you just moved back for a job? Maybe your parents just moved to be closer to you? Maybe you just got a divorce? In a time of transition, things don’t always go smoothly. Not all housing options are going to magically overlap with plenty of moving time. You (or your parent(s)) might need a place for a bit. And, for many people the logical, cost effective, answer is with family.

I think as long as all parties are ok with the situation and have ground rules and stated boundaries, then it shouldn’t be a problem. It is a problem if the person is living with their parents just to delay the growing up process. I don’t want the movie image of the guy who lives in his mom’s basement with her making every meal, and doing the guy’s laundry. That is not the guy I want. But, a reasonable guy, living and doing his own thing who happens to have his parents as his roommates, should not be automatically ruled out. In my opinion. I think there are a few very valid reasons for the arrangement, and thus the guy should be judged on his own merits and not by his living situation.

Are there any reasons that I may have missed that you would find valid?

I think my issue is more about letting someone new come over to my house since it is so personal. Its not a generic apartment, or someone elses house. Its MY house, with things that I bought. I made all the decorating choices. And it’s full of kid stuff. Any guy who I’m seeing and knows that I have kids in a vague way, since never having to deal with them, would be hit over the head with the fact if they came to my house. It also means, that I feel like I need to have the house super clean. Like fancy guest level clean, as opposed to friends who also have kids clean.

Also, there are logistical questions. Will we always have to meet out? What if I go to pick him up? What if it gets to the point of sleepovers, are his parents going to be weird about him staying out since they know when he is or isn’t there? He mentioned that it might take a year for this job to become a full time thing. Does that mean he’s planning to live with his parents for at least a year?! And what does that mean to him for dating?

I know – I know. I’m overthinking. I can’t help it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “3 Reasons why its ok to live with your parents

  1. LOL. You are overthinking it, and I – again- feel like we would actually be great friends in person. I overthink everything. Absolutely EVERYTHING.

    So… I think those are all the major reasons. I don’t know if you know, but I actually share a home with my daughter (23) and her husband (25) and my 1 year old grandson. We were living separately, and things were fine. We both had our own apartments and everyone was able to “make it” on our own. I had considered getting a roommate, just to save a little money, but couldn’t ever think of anyone I wouldn’t want to kill, except my daughter. I never mentioned it, because…who wants to live with their parents, right??? But then several months after I had first thought of it, my son-in-law actually suggested it. We got a bigger house, a yard for the dogs, room for us, and I get to see my grandson every day. A rent payment we couldn’t either do on our own, but now we can both enjoy the benefits. And they are working on getting their stuff lined out to buy a home, and then I’ll move back to myself. (although I’m not-so-secretly hoping they get a house with like a garage apartment or something. Thinking of maybe not seeing my baby so much is distressing…)

    With your Dimples, my first (and valid concerns) would be along the lines of…. Does he do his own chores? Does he pay rent or some sort of expense to his parents for food and such? I mean, is he a free loader????? From what you’ve said so far, I think he isn’t… .but those are the things I would worry about.

    Also, if he were 40 and had moved in with his parents, you would probably not judge him as quickly, because then you’d assume he was taking care of them or something like that…but since Dimples is young, you’re thinking he might be handling life…. right?

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    • You bring up very good points. I know people of different ages who are living with heir parents (or did) as a temporary fix, a means to an end. Rather than a random roommate which, now that I’m thinking about, could be really hard to find in smaller cities if all your friends have moved away.

      Those are all very good questions that I should ask Dimples if I see him again…. of course in a totally non intimidating manner.

      And if I get over the age thing. I’ll have to warm up to the idea of him hanging out here. 😬 Eek

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  2. I hope my kids are like me because there was no way no how I wanted to remain at home after college. I grew up with two loving parents too, a nice family we were but I was ready to go and do it on my own and explore life on my terms under my own roof. Your reasons though are valid and make sense for those that do want to stay home. I mean yeah if your parent is aging and needs help then I have no problem at all with someone wanting to stay home to help them out. The saving money part…eh yeah I guess. For me I knew I was going to be poor starting out and that I was starting from the bottom with my first job but also knew I would work hard, make more money, move up and that indeed happened. Doesn’t work for everyone, that’s not a playbook for most I believe especially these days. Not that I’m that old I’m 35 haha. And yeah that transitional time, sure that works too. Though I had opportunities to move back to my hometown where my parents were and none of my possibilities if I did move back was to move in with them hahaha. I would find a hotel, an apartment, at no point did I think oh I’m going to get a job in Atlanta and I’d live with my parents for awhile. I’m sure they thought that but that never registered as a possibility and I love my parents very much. If I had to be with someone who lived with their parents there would be major red flags for me but I’m an understanding guy so if makes sense to me then I could ease up on the worries.

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    • Very interesting. I too did whatever it took to not live back at home. And I’m not talking about someone who stayed home, commuted to college, and never left. That has its own potential red flags.

      But what if you had to take a major pay cut in order to pursue the dream job? What if an amazing organization only had part time openings, with growth potential?

      As you can see, it’s all very grey. Hence my hesitations and wondering about if there is ever a time when it is ok.

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      • You’re right the lines are grey, very much so. For me I would have figured someway still to do it on my own. I guess I’m bull headed that way haha or something. But for others I would understand if it made sense to me.

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  3. I agree with your examples of when it’s OK – but at my age (34) it’s not ideal. I have my own place so it’s not like we won’t have somewhere to go…it just can be a red flag if there’s no real reason for it. The last guy I was seeing lived at home and it didn’t seem like there was any intention of EVER leaving…so, no.

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