Two weeks of radio silence. Completely.
Date on Friday. He went home Saturday. I texted Sunday. He responded Monday. And then nothing. After a week and a half I sent a “hey stranger” check in – still nothing. The only acceptable excuse, we all know, could only be extreme tragedy. If Dimples, or a direct family member, was in a horrific accident/died in the last two weeks, then that’s going to make me feel real bad about this voodoo doll I’ve made.
When we had only gone on a couple of dates, and he wasn’t making a ton of effort, so I let it go quiet, no big deal. It happens. And after he realized I wasn’t making an effort, he did wake up and say something. I called him out on being a terrible texter, he said I was right, he knew it, and made more of an effort. For a while. But I feel like the rules change after sex. That’s not ok anymore. And now Dimple’s is fired. For being flaky and now silent. Ghosting essentially. What’s the rule on that? How long do they have to ignore you before its considered ghosting? And how long after THAT before they inevitably text again?
Ugh. Even though I don’t think Dimples is a shitty person, this behavior is suggesting otherwise. When assholes have shitty behavior its so easy to believe and move on. When the nice guy pulls shit because he’s dumb, or clueless, or flaky, or busy, or dead – whatever – its so much harder to take at face value. Its natural to want to give them excuses. Its natural to want to give the guy a chance or two. I mean, call them out it in a nice manner, and then hope for the best. If the guys wants to make an effort, he will. If he’s just not that into you, it will become obvious. I don’t want to make continual effort for someone who just isn’t that into me.
You can’t break up with someone who has disappeared. I guess I could send a couple of texts making it clear he has been fired. But why bother wasting my breath on him. He probably won’t care. If he cared, he would have been trying.
We all have had a ghoster, maybe even several. Or struggled with how to deal. I’m trying not to overthink all the reasons why he’s isn’t responding. I am a little sad by his complete lack of communication, because 6 months is a long time to get to know someone and then just disappear. I feel like I should have brought up a casual conversation about expectations sooner, because after a month or two and a few dates, that’s a valid question.
Just another reason why its time for a dating break. All apps are deleted. They have been for most of August, and will be for September at least. Sometimes I do get bored, and instead of swiping I pick up a book, or try to do other things around the house. It does get lonely. I get lonely. But casual dating doesn’t help with loneliness. Friends help. I was in a relationship and was still lonely. Lonely doesn’t have anything to do with being in a romantic relationship of not. It has to do with feeling supported and cared for.
The Mountaineer is still in the picture. Since seeing him last he has texted twice just to check in, not for extended chats, since he knows I have kids. He is very clear in his communication. Which, is a bit ironic since Dimples was a communications major, and the Mountaineer an engineer. After four dates, I like the guy, but I haven’t quite caught feelings. Which doesn’t mean I’m out just yet. But it does seem like its more of a friend than a romance.