I had options.
1. Cancel the baby sitter. 2. Make plans with friends 3. Make a date. Or 4. Take myself out.
I needed the mental break from the kids. Two full days home with them and I was starting to lose my mind.
I rallied. There was a part of me that wanted to wallow. Wanted to just be alone, to sulk, to go to a movie, to buy some ice cream and sit in a park. Except that’s what I would have done if I was still in Los Angeles and not here because its too fucking cold. I mean the park part, not the wallow alone part. If I was still in LA I probably wouldn’t have kids. I would have driven the three hours across town to see a bestie and get drunk. Yes – you Cleveland wusses, driving clear across Los Angeles county takes three fucking hours (or more) in traffic, and you people complain about a 30 minute drive. UGH.
I rallied. I am a mother fucking ARROW bitch. I won’t be broken. And I don’t let setbacks deter me. I’m not going to let the fail own me. I’m not going to let the fear rule me. I’m going to take that backwards force and turn it into forward motion. There is no other way. I am a Phoenix, I will rise EVERY FUCKING TIME.
I rallied. I still have blinding optimism behind deep skepticism in regards to finding love and romance. It will probably never happen for me. I may never find my person. But I will not stop looking or trying. NEXT!
I rallied. He called me and when I didn’t answer (legit missed a call – what?!) he texted that he tried to call and I should call him. Then I freaked the fuck out. Fucking phone call. Who the fuck USES the fucking phone to CALL people?! In hindsight, I think he wanted me to HEAR his accent. Ha! I fooled him. I won’t be woo’ed that easily.
<time line check – this is where I called DS back and he broke things off…… aka dumped my ass>
I rallied! I got intense vibes from Spaniard so I took a chance on Bumble Type-B Lawyer first. He said he already had plans, but judging on his response, I think I might have dodged a bit of a bullet…… but he might go on the roster, I am a sucker for terrible decisions and thoughtful, well worded messages. I texted the Spaniard – “its been a crazy day, but I happen to have time if you want to meet for a quick drink in Cleveland Heights”. We agree on the time.
I rallied. I changed from my mom-ing clothes into skinny jeans, low cut tank, thick cardigan, and boots. Quickly put on makeup. I remember to message the kids dad – did he have time to talk, we have plans? The babysitter got to the house – the kids LOVE her – and I gave her the quick run down on diner options.
I rallied. On the drive to the wine bar I realized I didn’t eat. Guess what? Emotions FUCK up my appetite. Remember when I lost 25 pounds when my husband dumped me? Yeah….. So maybe I don’t have an awesome metabolism, maybe I just deal with emotions by fat burning and not eating? This is not actually true, but I never WANTED to go to the gym more than last week….. well and during my divorce. Anxiety is some crazy shit. I turn the music up to put me in a better mindset.
I rallied. I parked and walked to the bar. On the way I got hit on. And by “hit on” I mean asked for my number by teenagers. Still. I arrived and ordered my wine. I was slightly nervous but he walked in and was tall, lanky, handsome, curly brown hair with a days worth of carefully trimmed stubble and intense brown eyes. He greeted me and gave me a quick hug. we started chatting easily and he ended up ordering the same wine as me. He immediately told me that he had dinner plans, meeting a friend – I said actually that is perfect because I have 8:30 ish plans with a friend but wanted to meet up.
I rallied. We talked about online dating and he confided that the only other time he online dated was his ex-wife (of two years, 3 years ago) but all his other relationships happened “in the wild”. I’m impressed. The only relationship I had “in the wild” or “free range” was Dimples and we all know that ended spectacularly with him ghosting me. He asked me about what I was looking for – and I responded that really depends on the person – that short to long term is ideal, possibly friendships also, but I’m realistic and life happens. He asked if it needed to be meaningful. Um yes. Any time you are investing time into a person it should be meaningful.
I rallied. I knew he would be intense. I could feel it. But HOT DAMN those brown eyes looking intently at me. I ask him to tell me about home – Spain. And I totally understand how foreign Cleveland must feel to him, because it will never FEEL like home. When I step into the smoggy air of LA outside LAX is when I FEEL home. That is what feels familiar to me. The palm trees, the small stucco houses, the mountains and the beach, Los Angeles, no matter where I live will be home. He understood. No matter what, Spain is his home.
I rallied – he is talking to me about Spain and vacations and summer spent doing summer camps and adult tours of Spanish countryside and I have visions of him speaking to me in Spanish. Going to Spanish wineries, going to coastal towns, letting the cold water wash over my feet. Suddenly I feel the need to get my passport in order in a way I haven’t felt in years. I’m feeling warm and fuzzy and he is starting to feel familiar.
I rallied – We start talking about food. He tells me about spear fishing. He asks if I know what it is? Uh Yeah! Where you dive and spear the fish? I’ve seen enough Anthony Bourdain. He laughs. Suddenly he has to go – and I need to as well. He pays for his wine, gives me a quick hug and walks out all the while telling me he would like to take me out to dinner soon.
I watch him leave and look at the bar tender who was lingering – He is CUTE! I say to her. She responds, yes he is – and that accent! YES!! That accent. She tells me, and he is so well spoken and articulate, I agree… yes he is.
I gather myself and head out to drive to my friend’s house for a quick catch up. I was promised more wine, and when I got there I told her I hadn’t had food yet, so she fed me. Mom friends are the best – they ALWAYS have food. I didn’t even make it to her house before the Spaniard text me, he had left wanting to talk more and hoped I had a good time with my friend.
I let him know I wasn’t sure about my schedule for next week, but I would let me know on Monday…..