Tattoo

My divorce is final. The judge signed off on all the paperwork and it is official. And how else does one celebrate? A Tattoo!!

I’m getting a tattoo y’all! It’s my first. I’m 33 years old and I have no tattoos yet.

This is my first tattoo and I’m not going to lie, I’m scared. I have a good tolerance for pain and all, it really is just a fear of the unknown. I keep asking everyone I know who has a tattoo about their experience, and how painful it was for them. My sister in law compared it with childbirth. Um, Eek!

I’m also really excited. I met with the tattoo artist and talked about what I wanted, and where. She said she would be able to do something a little more in the watercolor style that I like so much due to the size and placement of what I want. I have my appointment set, and I’m anxiously awaiting it like a kid waiting for Christmas morning!

I’ve always wanted a tattoo, I just never knew what I would get or where I would get it. I tend to be a researcher. I tend to be very cautious with permanent things. But in the last year, everything just became clear. It came together in a serendipitous way and I just knew.

This is a post-divorce tattoo. I don’t want to get into the details of the design on here, because the significance and meaning is so personal. I do want to talk about why now. I want to talk about the idea of the post-divorce reasoning. Why I needed to get it now.

I was with my ex for almost half my life. Yes. I spent almost 15 years with this person. We started dating when I was in high school, and he was in college. Until this year, he was the first and only guy I’ve ever been with. I’m loyal AF.

After everything I’ve been through, and all that I know now about the time we were married, I couldn’t stand that he would continue to KNOW me more than anyone. How could he not after 15 years and 2 kids? I needed a permanent change. I need to mark my body in a way and in a place that he may never know about it. It comforts me that I can claim that piece of my life and my body back from him. Take back the power in a sense. Even if he eventually does find out about it, it is unlikely that he would ever see it in person. And it creates uncertainty. If I’ve changed this, what other things have I changed.

A lot. I have changed a lot. Little changes that have occurred over the last year to add up to a happier person. This act of rebellion, is a symbol of my getting through one of the hardest times in my life. The art that I will wear on my body will be a constant reminder to myself that I am ok. I may feel weak, or seem breakable, but I am not. It will remind me that there is an ebb and flow of life. That sometimes you’re pushed backwards before being able to move forwards, there are storms before rainbows, and such. It is a reminder of trusting your instincts.

It is a symbol of rebirth. My rebirth, into a new chapter and new life. Cheers to moving onward and upward!